I woke up every morning in my Twin XL dorm bed. 2300 miles from home. 2300 miles from sanity. Three years into college and the homesickness fervently persisted.
I was no stranger to isolation before it became a COVID cliche. Attending an out-of-state college, the physical distance from home was often tough to bear. The social distance between mine, my friends’, and my family’s daily lives was even tougher.
I called my parents every day, fearful of missing out on life back home. My dog turned 10. My dad just turned 60. It’s hard, sending presents to loved ones without being physically present. Milestones were fleeting by while I was miles and miles away. I yearned for life to slow down.
But, be careful what you wish for. Within a few short yet seemingly endless weeks, the world came to a screeching halt. COVID-19 had embarked on its voyage around the world that would quickly become a historical shipwreck.
When my campus shifted to remote instruction, I too shifted across the country back home. On the surface, this was exactly what I wanted. Safe, sound, and surrounded by loved ones. I should have been at peace.
Yet, the once tightly wound security blanket called life unraveled day by day. A rekindled germaphobe. A newly-dependent independent, stripped from the freedom that is synonymous with college. I began grappling an unshakable sense of anxiety, uncertainty, and fear. With physical health presently at the forefront of nationwide concern, mental health must not go unaddressed.
Jesse Miller, Postdoctoral Fellow of English and Medical Humanities at UC Santa Barbara, expressed how the pandemic is projecting an amplified sense of societal imbalance across college campuses.
“The pandemic has put a strain on students’ mental health while exacerbating some of the social inequities that already existed in our culture,” Miller stated.
Not everyone has the luxury of being ‘bored’ during a lockdown. On top of the draining feat of pursuing a degree, some students must take care of younger siblings. Some may have sick parents. Some may be the sole breadwinner for their family. Some may not even have a family to shelter-in-place with. In this time of uncertainty, one thing is for sure: mental instability has proven roots in the lack of a stable home environment.
Janet Osimo, assistant clinical director and psychologist at UC Santa Barbara’s Counseling & Psychological Services, added the psychological toll the pandemic is taking on college students.
“There’s really a sense of loss and unarticulated grieving around what this experience has taken away,” explained Osimo. “Whether it be connection, milestone moments, the experience of spring quarter, in-class learning — there’s any number of things that students are feeling a loss about. I don’t know that they would put it in those words, but it might look like frustration, lethargy, short temperedness, maybe more easily tearful.”
Loss and grieving extend far beyond death. Missing Friday night shenanigans with my closest pals who have now been diminished to mere pixels on my Zoom screen. That is loss. Craving the peace and quiet of the library, as I struggle to focus on my assignments while my parents shout and argue in the living room. That is loss. Being stripped away from the youthful exuberance of campus in what were meant to be my prime years. That is loss. But like all of life’s tragedies, exand present, I will cope.
It’s true as they say. The grass is always greener on the other side. Two months ago, I could only dream of fulfilling my degree requirements from the comfort of home. However, as the new normal reveals itself to be a nightmare, I can firmly take solace in the unwavering resiliency of the human spirit. By no means can or should I take it upon myself to control the outcome of an unprecedented global pandemic. But I can practice radical acceptance of the situation. I can reframe my negative thoughts. I can be there for others. I can seek help if I’m struggling.
And I will get through this.
